


Mistletoe Kisses (AKA Operation Get Those Dumbass Super Soldiers Laid so That They Stop Destroying the Gym at Ungodly Hours)

by WinterIronCap



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Confessions, Criminal Masterminds, F/M, Kisses, M/M, Mistletoe, Morons in love, No Beta, Not Beta Read, Rhodey inspires confessions, Some Swearing, christmas cheer, forced vacation, so much mistletoe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterIronCap/pseuds/WinterIronCap
Summary: The Avengers are forced to take a vacation so Natasha devises a way for them to pass the time. Cooperation is very much mandatory, no one says no to Natasha.Basically they utilize the ridiculous amount of mistletoe for all the single members to get together.That's it that's the fic.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Carol Danvers, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, James 'Rhodey' Rhodes/Phil Coulson, Sam Wilson/Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Clint Barton, Thor/Pepper Potts
Comments: 4
Kudos: 61





	Mistletoe Kisses (AKA Operation Get Those Dumbass Super Soldiers Laid so That They Stop Destroying the Gym at Ungodly Hours)

**Author's Note:**

> Was gonna be for WI Week but then I gave all the couples equal time so...I'm gonna pretend it was a fill for WI Week.

“This is Pepper’s idea of a vacation?” Tony groused from the couch, determined to ignore the boxes strewn around the living room floor.

“Maybe if you stopped complaining and helped then this would be over and we can all go back to this forced vacation.” Clint groused, staring at the gigantic tree set by the floor to ceiling windows.

“I don’t get it, why are they forcing the entire team to go on vacation?” Sam questioned, shuffling one of the boxes labelled ornaments closer to the bare Christmas tree.

“For the forty second time, the team was forced to hit the ground running since the Manhattan incident, none of you have had a day off since then. Seeing as SHIELD is a government agency, we can’t be seen as working our employees like sweatshop workers while they pile up vacation time. Now that the alien situation is under control, we have Ultron and the Iron Legion as back up against otherworldly threats, it was deemed that the team must take mandatory time off.” Coulson explained from the corner, huffing in exasperation.

“Still doesn’t explain why Pepper locked me out of SI,” Tony grumbled. 

“I’m sorry, was it my imagination or was it some other Tony Stark who was described as a ‘real life overworked zombie due to lack of sleep’ on Fox News last week?” Natasha questioned, ignoring the half hearted glare Tony aimed at her while she opened a box labelled mistletoe.

“Exaggeration and slander, who even listens to Fox News?” Tony replied snootily. “Besides, why did she lock me out of my lab?”

“I was the one who did that, sir.” JARVIS’s voice informed him, frustration lining the AI’s tone. “In the past month alone you’ve dropped over fourteen pounds because of workshop binges that distracted you from eating, sleeping or doing anything healthy. My protocols are to lock you out should I feel like you’re putting your life at risk so that is what I did.”

“Who the hell programmed those protocols into you, I sure as hell didn’t!” Tony growled, mind running through the possibilities of JARVIS being hacked and his code rewritten.

“I did,” Tony’s head swung around to see Rhodes walking into the communal living room, dressed in worn jeans and a soft looking dress shirt. “You don’t take care of yourself, I’m gonna do it for you. That’s been the deal since MIT. As of today, this entire team is locked out of the tower except for this floor. You all will sleep, rest and relax for once in your lives.”

“But Rhodey bear, my lovely honeybeared Platypus,” Tony whined, clinging to Rhodey like a koala when the other man poked him into getting off the couch and heading towards the Christmas tree. “I don’t need the time off-”

“Can it Tony, you’re off now and there is nothing you can do about it. Now help me open these ornament boxes so we can decorate.” Rhodes griped, standing firm even in the face of Tony’s most pathetic kicked puppy eyes.

“Don’t bother,” Natasha told them. “These boxes were mislabelled, all the ones that say ornaments have mistletoe and the ones labelled mistletoe have all the ornaments.”

Tony looked around in shock at all the boxes around them. “There’s got to be like ten boxes labelled ornaments here!”

“Fifteen actually,” Carol spoke up from under the tree where she was making sure the base didn’t move. “We have lots of mistletoe to play with here.”

“Alright, you boys decorate the tree,” Natasha decided firmly. “Carol and I will put up the mistletoe.

“Tasha, there’s *fifteen* boxes of the stuff, what are you going to do, saturate the ceiling with it?” Clint withered under the death glare Natasha shot him.

“If I have to, that’s what we will do. Pepper went to all the trouble of making us all take time off and finding us something to do so we don’t kill each other so that tree better be a work of art by the time Carol and I are done.” Turning, Natasha grabbed one of the mistletoe boxes and walked away imperiously, Carol trailing after her with another box.

“Well you heard the lady, let’s get decorating.” Steve ordered, grabbing one of the actual ornament boxes and moving it closer to the tree. 

Sighing, Tony let go of Rhodey as he picked up one of the random Iron Man ornaments, placing it on one of the branches as the others moved in to help. Thor almost tipped the tree when he tried to put an ornament near the top and leaned too heavily on it while Clint decided to go up into the vents and try shooting the ornaments onto the tree with his bow. Tony somehow ended up tangled in a huge line of tinsel that Bucky had to help him unwrap because Steve and Sam were playing tug o war with each other with the fairy light lines. Bruce was hanging Hulk ornaments, his eyes shaded green showing the others that it was actually Hulk adding his own ornaments.

“Thank you,” Tony whispered when Bucky pulled off the last bit of tinsel from around his neck.

“Anytime doll,” Bucky grinned at him, holding out the tinsel pile for Tony to take.

Tony reached out to grab one end of the tinsel, forcing Bucky to hold the other end as they started wrapping it through the tree, over branches that were full of mini Captain shields that Coulson probably brought from his personal collection, over purple arrows in suggestive positions that Nat was going to kill Clint for, around mini Hammers and spiders and all the way up to the top of the tree.

“What’s going on top?” Sam wondered, hanging a falcon ornament clutching a red star in it’s claws.

“Star?” Bucky suggested absently, hanging a chibi Soldier standing on a bird with X’s for eyes ornament above Sam’s falcon ones.

“Plebeian,” Tony grumbled, shaking a can of fake snow.

“Angel?”

“Religion, really?”

“Iron man helmet?”

“That could work!”

“No stroking Tony’s ego!” Rhodey shot that idea down, glaring at Barnes when he muttered a ‘Wanna stroke something else of his honestly.”

“None of those,” Steve overrode all the suggestions decisively. He reached up and popped a topper on the tree, stepping back so the others could see. It was a digital print out of the whole team in chibi form, some in uniform and others out. They were all piled on top of each other, Sam and Thor on the bottom as Steve and small Hulk sat on his back while Natasha sat with crossed legs on Sam, Carol standing behind her braiding her hair. Tony was in half the armor, carrying an angry Bucky who was glaring down at a madly cackling Clint while Rhodes, Pepper and Coulson stood aside watching in despair.

“Cap...where did you even get that?” Carol's voice spoke up from behind them. 

“Found it on the internet,” Steve explained, making room for the two women to come add their ornaments to the tree.

“I like it,” Bruce told them softly, hiding a smile at Sam’s enraged face. The other male couldn’t complain out loud or else the girls would get mad at him.

“Well now the tree is up, the ornaments are almost all gone and apparently so is the mistletoe, now what do we do?” Sam questioned, looking at the others for ideas.

“Well Natasha had a suggestion,” Carol told them, eyes glinting with ill-hidden glee.

“How painful is this suggestion exactly?” Clint questioned with an air of resignation.

Smirking evilly, Natasha turned to Clint slowly. “Run.”

“Mistletoe tag,” Carol called out as Clint squeaked, shuffling backwards towards the door slowly. “There’s not a lot of rules, you just can’t tag the person who tagged you and you have to kiss someone under the mistletoe. Also you can’t hold up mistletoe, it has to be some that’s attached to the ceiling.”

“Who’s it right now?” Sam questioned, strolling over to them.

“Glad you asked,” Carol smirked, moving closer and pressing a quick kiss to Sam’s cheek. “You.”

Sam blinked slowly, looking around at the other men and the two women. “So….” He leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to Bruce’s cheek. “Bruce now?”

“Alright let me reiterate. If you don’t get off your asses and play this game I put time into thinking up properly, all of you will be punished.” Natasha told them absently, hanging a black widow ornament near the bottom of the tree.

“But Natasha-“

“All of you Coulson. No exceptions.”

“Yah, I’m gonna run now.” Clint told them, taking off down the hall at a dead sprint. Slowly the others dispersed, Bruce waiting for them all to disappear before shooting Natasha a grin.

“That’s one way of getting them to cooperate.” He mused.

“That threat included you too, go kiss someone under the mistletoe.” Grinning wryly, Bruce took off down the hall after them.

“You know I don’t think the object of the game is to pair up?” Tony questioned Bucky, looking down at the supersoldiers guiding hand on his forearm. 

Bucky paused before slowly letting go of Tony’s arm. “Sorry doll, I’ll leave you to-“

“No!” Tony exclaimed, clutching at Bucky. “I didn’t mean that, I just was...wondering.”

“Okay well ah, how do we know if someone is it?” Bucky questioned, awkwardness settling between them.

“Guess we don’t know until someone kisses us and tells us?” Tony pondered, throwing himself down onto a chair in the hallway.

“So...we just sit here and wait?” Bucky asked him.

“Guess so.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bruce leisurely strolled down the hallways, staring up at the mistletoe that was hung up every few feet. “They girls really did saturate this place.” he mumbled to himself.

“You are speaking to yourself Doctor?” Thor’s voice boomed from behind him, the large God staring at him with a grin.

“Just commending the girls on their decorating, it’s very thorough.” Bruce explained, pausing to let Thor catch up to him.

“Indeed, though that might be because they had so much of this plant to work with.” Thor mused.

“Very true,” Bruce acquiesced, nodding slowly. “So, if you were to be it right now, who would you want to kiss right this second under the mistletoe?”

Thor laughed joivally, the sound echoing around them. “Alas, the lady who I wish to kiss is not in this tower.”

“Oh? Mystery lover?” Bruce questioned interestedly.

“I very much dream of her being my lover but I do not think she notices me,” Thor sighed forlornly.

“No offence, you’re kind of hard to miss.” Bruce quipped, smiling when Thor properly laughed this time, his eyes glittering in happiness. “Maybe you should woo her the old fashioned Midguardian Princely way.”

“Hmm...how would I go about that?” Thor paused, asking him seriously.

“Watch,” Bruce ordered, grabbing Thor’s hand and raising it to press a gentle kiss to his knuckle. “That’s just one way.”

“Interesting,” Thor tilted his head in thought, eyebrows furrowing in when Bruce grinned up at him.

“Also, you’re it.” Bruce teased, striding away from the smirking Thor.

“Well played Doctor, well played.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thor tried to be sneaky, he decided to try his hand at stealth but his plan was foiled when the only person he could find playing the game was Coulson. 

“I do hope you are not attempting to surprise me with a kiss Mr. Odinson.” The mild mannered Agent didn’t even turn to look at him while speaking, fixing the cuffs of his suit jacket idly. 

“I suppose I should have listened to Loki when he said I don’t have a stealthy bone in my body.” Thor lamented.

“Hmm, he might have been onto something,” Coulson replied thoughtfully, turning to Thor. “But I suppose it’s a good thing, I would have tased you had you succeeded in startling me.”

“Then I am doubly glad that Loki was right about me,” Thor bowed his head, smiling when the other male let out a startled laugh. “Now as per rules of the game, I am to kiss you so no surprise, no nothing, just a friendly kiss?”

“I will stand still for that,” Coulson agreed, smiling as Thor pressed a quick kiss to his temple. “I’ll be seeing you later Mr. Odinson.”

Thor stared at Coulson’s retreating back, shivering in fear as he absently thought of Loki and the Agent meeting up under better circumstances. The entire Nine Realms would not be safe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Coulson didn’t look around, trusting that he would have been warned if anyone was in the hallway with him. He confidently opened the bedroom door, slipping inside before pressing his back to it, taking in the sight of the man splayed across the bed. 

“Did it work?” Rhodey questioned, looking up from the magazine he had been flipping through.

“Did you expect it to not?” Coulson questioned back, eyebrows raised mockingly.

“I expected our parts to run like clockwork, I don’t expect those idiots not to mess up the plan.” Rhodey replied, swinging his legs over the side of the bed before standing up. 

“Well if they weren’t idiots, we wouldn’t need this plan in the first place.” Coulson admitted casually. 

“So Thor kissed you?” Rhodey questioned, standing close to Coulson now.

“On the temple,” Coulson told him calmly.

“Hmm,” Rhodey’s lips pinched in displeasure, his hand curling around the back of Coulson’s neck to pull him closer. “His loss, he’ll never find out how  _ efficient  _ you are when it comes to kisses.”

Coulson sighed softly when Rhodey pressed their lips together, easily giving into the tongue licking at his lips for entrance. He growled when Rhodey tried to pull back, clutching a fistful of his sweater to pull him closer as he explored the other males mouth thoroughly with his tongue.

“Only my kisses are efficient?” Coulson demanded when they pulled away slowly.

“Stop fishing for compliments, Agent. Natasha will string us up outside the tower instead of Christmas lights if we spoil this plan.” Rhodey teased him, stepping away from Coulson and pulling down his shirt to ease the ruffled fabric.

“We wouldn’t want that, we would get in the way of our combined  _ efficiency. _ ” Coulson teased, following Rhodey as he exited the room. “I’m heading to the rendezvous point, good luck Colonel.”

“Why, Agent, are you doubting my efficiency in completing my mission?” Rhodey teased, eyes trailing over Coulson’s body.

“Prove me wrong, maybe I’ll  _ efficiently _ reward you tonight if you complete your mission properly.” Coulson smirked, turning to walk down the hallway as he felt Rhodey’s heated gaze trailing over his body.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rhodey was hunting. Despite his size and demeanour, these Avengers always got so far stuck up their might that they forgot that he was a fully trained American Military man, taught to use his size and brain to track down people and hunt them. Their biggest mistake would be underestimating him.

He grinned darkly as he caught sight of one of his prey. He would never know what hit him. “Oh Captain-”

“Colonel, please. We agreed that you would call me Steve, not Captain.” Steve sighed in exasperation at the other male.

“Fine then, Steve,” Rhodey agreed. “I wanted to speak to you about something.”

“O-oh? What about?” Steve tried to hold his posture straight, give nothing away even as he flinched back involuntarily when Rhodey stepped towards him.

“Oh I think you know what.” Rhody told him mildly, crossing his arms as he stopped in front of Steve.

“Okay but it wasn’t my fault, Clint was just spying on me in the vents and hello invasion of privacy! So I stole from Tony’s stash of Very Jolly Coffee and put it up in his nest and laid a false trail so Tony would think Clint stole it! I didn’t think Tony would lock him in the ceiling for the night and release his Killer Kleaning Frogs! Who even looks at a frog and thinks I’ll make a robotic cleaning frog, what was Tony even thinking-” Steve babbled desperately.

“He wasn’t,” Rhodey interrupted the confession. “Probably ‘cause he didn’t have his coffee and had just come off a two day binge when he saw the frogs. Anyway, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” Steve twitched as Rhodey leaned his face in closer to him.

“I just wanted to tell you,” Rhodey whispered conspiratorially, dropping a quick peck on Steve’s forehead. “Tag, you’re it.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Steve grumbled as he stormed down the hall, irritated that Rhodey had managed to make him confess so easily. The man just had to look at him and he confessed his crimes, he was worse than a lie detector. 

He was so lost in his head he didn’t see someone coming down the opposite hallway, crashing into a muscled body and sprawling both of them onto the ground.

“Jesus fuck Cap, where’s your head at?” Clint groaned, shaking his head as he slowly stood up. He reached out a hand to Steve, pulling him up.

“It’s all your fault,” Steve growled, narrowing his eyes at Clint.

“What’s my fault? What did I do this time?” Clint blinked at him slowly. “Is this about the bathroom confetti? Cause Thor helped me out with that.”

Steve crossed his arms.

“Maybe about the ghost on the 31st floor? Cause I swear that just ran away from me, I didn’t plan for Natasha to shoot that wall that was lined with explosives. Like how was I supposed to know Bucky hid his grenades in there?” Clint asked innocently.

Steve pursed his lips.

“Or the kitchen fire last week? I mean I shouldn’t have blamed it on Tony, that was probably wrong but DUM-E did accidentally stretch out my shirt and he built that robot so it is on him.” Clint continued, sweating slightly when he saw Steve’s starting to tap his toe.

“Because of you,” Steve whispered lowly, glaring darkly at Clint. “I accidentally came out like a criminal in front of Colonel Rhodes!” 

“You, criminal?” Clint blinked in shock. “How is that even possible?”

“I can’t keep a secret in front of that man,” Clint bit his lip at Steve’s guilty look, trying to muffle a laugh. “Now he must think I have all these secrets and I don’t know how- _ mph! _ ”

Steve’s eyes widened as Clint pulled him in close, pressing their lips together harshly. “God you’re adorable,” Clint whispered against his lips before pressing their lips together again.

Slowly their kiss broke apart, Clint stepping back slowly. “I’m gonna go finish this game then I’ll come find you. You can take out your anger on me tonight, I know how to handle you.” 

Steve stared at Clint’s retreating back, fingers running over his lips as he tried to process what had just happened.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Halt!”

“Clint what the hell?” Tony quirked an eyebrow up at the archer in confusion.

“Do not move! I must kiss you Tony so that you are it!” Clint replied.

“Did you just kiss Thor? Is that why you’re speaking like that?” Tony questioned, waiting for Clint to walk closer to him. “Is his speech contagious now?”

“No you idiot-”

“Excuse you bird brain, I am a certified genius!”

“No you genius, I didn’t kiss Thor. I was just talking like that to get your attention.” Clint continued, not missing a beat.

“Awe honey, you should have said something earlier,” Tony mocked, rolling his eyes dramatically. “What do you want?”

“Why to kiss you kind sir-”

“I will knee you in the groin if you don’t stop that right now.”

“Why I never!” Clint mock gasped, clutching his chest in faux shock. “Anyway, pucker up genius, here comes a kiss like you never got in your life!”

Clint swooped in without warning, aiming to press a kiss to Tony’s bemused lips when his lips met the coldness of metal. Opening his eyes, he followed the metal up Bucky’s metal arm to his glaring face. 

“Awe I missed my chance, you ruined it Bucky!” Clint complained good naturedly until he say the Murder Glare™ being aimed at him. “Hey big guy, why are you looking like you wanna kill me...we’re all friends here, it’s in good fun-don’t kill me, don’t kill me!”

Tony blinked at Clint's retreating form, the archer seemingly running for his life in genuine fear. Turning to Bucky behind him, he ignored the way his lips tingled as they ran over the cold metal palm pressed to them. He stared at the super soldier in confusion who was looking down at him in exasperation.

“You gonna let any old schmuck lay one on your lips doll?” Bucky growled.

“N-no, of course not. It’s just a game, Clint decided to go for the lips but theoretically the kiss can be anywhere really.” Tony explained blandly, confusion mounting when that seemed to make Bucky’s gaze turn heated. 

“Really? It can be….anywhere?” Bucky murmured softly, tone belaying the sudden grip he had on Tony as he pushed him up against the wall. 

“B-Bucky what-” Tony squeaked before he felt soft lips kissing the shell of his ear.

“M’not Bucky, doll,” Buck-no- _ Winter _ whispered into Tony’s ear, sending shivers running down his spine.

“Win-Winter,” Tony squeaked through a moan as hot lips slowly moved down his jaw, pressing feather light kisses to his neck. 

“I got ya doll,” Winter murmured gently.

“The-the game-” Tony whimpered.

“If you’re still able to think about the game sweet thing, I must not be doing this whole kissing thing right.” Winter teased, moving back from Tony’s neck to smirk at him. “Gotta up my game here if I’m gonna prove to you I’m better than the game.”

“No, no you’re doing fine at this kissing thing, don’t gotta prove- _ mph _ ” Tony’s protests were muffled by Winter’s lips yet again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Thor paused on his way to the kitchen when he heard the elevator door opening. “Lady Potts.”

“Thor, you’ve known me for years, just call me Pepper.” Pepper smiled at him, strolling over in her sky high heels that still only brought her up to Thor’s shoulder. 

“Are you here for Tony?” Thor asked gently.

“No,” Pepper sighed. “He’s probably mad at me for locking him inside the tower.”

“Sometimes those closest to us don’t see how our actions are because we care for them.” Thor mused, smiling at her.

“Yeah, I suppose.” Pepper agreed, sighing deeply. “I may need to hide away from him awhile.”

“If you allow it, it would be my honour to protect you,” Thor told her seriously.

“Not sure I need it but...I will accept it gladly.” Pepper acquiesced, her cheeks flushing lightly when Thor bowed down before her. He gently grasped her hand, pressing his lips to the back of her hand gallantly.

“It would be my honour, my lady,” Thor told her.

“Seeing as Tony isn’t here right now, maybe just a drink?” Pepper asked, trying to control her flush and pounding heart.

“Of course,” Thor agreed, holding out his arm for Pepper to grasp his elbow. Thor led her to the kitchen, thinking to himself that he should send Dr. Banner a fruit basket for his advice. It certainly helped him take the first step towards his lady love.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rhodey entered the rendezvous point, pressing his back to the door as he took in the scene before him. Sam was sitting on one end of the couch, Natasha leaning back against his chest with her legs stretched out along the couch. They were tangled with Carol's legs from her place sitting astride Bruce’s lap who was sitting on the other end of the couch. 

Coulson turned to glance up at him before turning away, grabbing a handful from the bucket in Carol’s lap. 

“Did it work?” Rhodey asked, leaning down to eat a piece of popcorn Coulson was bringing up to his own mouth.

“So far it looks like it did.” Natasha told him. 

On the various security screens lining the wall showcased the various members of the team around the floor. Clint was pulling a complaining Steve behind him into his room while Pepper was sitting primly on the table in the kitchen, taking delicate sips of her tea as Thor waved his hands around while weaving a story for her. 

Rhodey focused on the hallway screen though, smiling as he saw the Winter Soldier pinning his best friend to the wall, their lips locked as his hands roamed Tony’s body.

“About time,” Bruce griped, thumb idly rubbing against Carol’s thigh. “It only took an absurd amount of mistletoe and some strategic planning so that people were in the right place and time to be kissed by who they needed to be kissed by.”

“Just be glad they didn’t mess this up,” Sam told him, eyes rolling in exasperation. 

“Good god get a room you two,” Carol suddenly shouted out, watching as Winter’s hand plunged underneath Tony’s shirt, pushing up against his chest.

“Did you know Tony had a hip tattoo?” Sam questioned eagerly.

“MIT, he got it as a middle finger to his dad. He was so drunk he didn’t even feel it.” Rhodey told them.

“What’s your excuse for your hip tattoo then?” Coulson murmured lowly, side eying Rhodey. 

“Okay you know what, this is feeling too intrusive now,” Bruce finally decreed, turning off all the security screens and ordering everyone to bed while ignoring their groans. “Operation Get Those Dumbass Super Soldiers Laid so That They Stop Destroying the Gym at Ungodly Hours has been a success, let’s all call it a day and all go get ourselves laid.”

“Bruce, I didn’t know you had it in you!” Sam’s voice carried after Bruce as he dragged Carol out of the room, the mild mannered Doctor not even deigning to give a response.


End file.
